I was keen to do another picture heavy post but I forgot the thumb drive with my photos and couldn't be bothered to make the three minute walk home to retrieve it.... In other words its time for a soapbox moment.
Since my arrival in Japan I have had the opportunity to meet other folks from all over the world including (but not limited to) Japan, England, Wales, Scotland, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, South Africa, Canada, Taiwan, The Philippines, Singapore, and the myriad states that make up America (including Alaska and Hawaii). It has been a great experience to interact with all of the wonderfully unique individuals and I have made some very close friends.
However, despite our unique situation we have encountered the same issues that eventually confront any group of individuals when forced to interact with one another over any considerable span of time. Allow me to make use of Tuckman`s stages of group development to explain what I mean.
*Writers Note: This post is certainly not meant as an attack on anybody, I love all of the folks here but no one can deny we have had some... growing pains.*
Stage 1- Formin:
The first step along Tuckmans trail towards gradual subterfuge and backstabbing (Shikokes*) is the formative stage. This stage is most easily defined as team building and was especially powerful for all of us. Despite out best attempts we ALT`s find ourselves very much on the outside of the culture we are expected to live in. The best example I ever had presented to me was that of a panda at a zoo. People love to see the panda and even enjoy interacting with one to a certain extent. However, at the end of the day most people would be reluctant to befriend a panda, invite a panda over for movie night, or encourage a panda to marry their attractive daughter (sad face). In much the same way it can at times feel like many of us are here as living attractions and often encounter confusion or even resistance when we try to assimilate into our communities. This is not to say that Japanese people are rude or dismissive of us (although in some cases this is undoubtedly true), only that there is a much more distinct "us" and "them" mentality here than what many of us are used to.
*"Shikokes" is a phrased used as a sort of onomatopoeia for an effective joke amongst our group. The island on which we reside is Shikoku, so any jokes that occur here are often referred to as "Shikokes". In fact we have developed quite an expansive lexicon of Tokushima ALT dialect... Ill go into that some other time.*
That being said the formin stage was and still is crucial for us living here. While some individuals are perfectly content to live quiet lives by themselves in their host town, most of us crave social interaction with people whom we can easily connect with and are experiences many of the same trials and tribulations. In this way, I feel like we were very quick to bond with each other and I can honestly say this is one of the most close knit communities I have ever belonged to. No matter what sort of problems one may encounter there is inevitably someone who can quickly and effectively help you out. Its a unique experience to belong to a group of only 40 or so individuals who are spread out over an area roughly the size of a small state. Here we tend to bond not only out of mutual interests, but more as a means of survival and to ensure some degree of familiarity and normalcy in our usually hectic schedules.
Stage 2- Stormin:
As any person who has had a roommate or an annoying sibling (sorry Jess) can attest, eventually your mind shifts away from how great your relationship is and begins to drift into the "I`m going to kill this person" zone. In many ways we bring this stage upon ourselves far quicker than it would normally occur within a group due to our tendency to plan copious and frequent events, our proximity to one another, and the generous amount of alcohol consumed at many of our shindigs.
Basically when you throw a big group of foreigners together who are overpaid, stressed, and often inebriated the risk of conflict skyrockets. As is true in most cases personalities clash, feelings get hurt, and people get left out of activities resulting in intense (and often short lived) animosity between individuals or groups. This issue is again compounded by our inability to avoid one another, the same group of people is present at almost all events so there is no effective way to avoid individuals you don't gel with without alienating yourself from the entire group. Luckily these occurrences are quite infrequent but needless to say quite a few social rifts have indeed been opened.
In addition, due to individual placement many JET`s have started to clique off into groups. This is understandable since some ALT`s live in the same apartment complex while others (like myself) live at least 2 hours away from a concentrated group of ALT`s. I for one feel lucky to be away from the group as my interaction with everyone is somewhat infrequent and most of my understanding of current "beefs" and "squabbles" is usually secondhand. Sadly I fear some individuals will never exit the Stormin stage either due to their inability to accept other people faults or because they themselves are just really terrible people (Shikokes!!!).
Stage 3- Normin:
By the Normin stage the need to clique off and find a smaller set of friends is almost a necessity. In no conceivable universe could 40 or 50 drastically different individuals come together and maintain an effective relationship for years at a time (herein lies mt Lord of the Flies reference). This is not to say we completely fracture off per se, just that people have established their base set of friends in relation to everyone else in the group. Common interests, travel plans, proximity, and available free time are all factors that dictate how groups form and in the long run I am positive this is a better system than trying to maintain a 50 strong social group.
Stage 4- Performin:
The final stage occurs when a groups members gel to the point that they get along nearly 100% of the time. Most people that know me also know that I am very much a laid back low impact sort of guy. I dont need to be constantly on the move or actively engaged constantly. For this reason the folks I get along best with are the ones who are just as happy spending a lazy afternoon eating sushi and playing video games as they are taking a week long vacation to some far away place... Or just leaving the apartment really.
Yes despite out unique set of skills and our at times stressful day to day lives we all manage to find a way to be happy in our new faraway home. While I cant say that I get along great with every person here I can quite confidently say there are no individuals here towards whom i harbor any ill feelings. In a community as small, sparse, and transient as ours being able to connect with others is essential to not only enjoy your time here but also plays an important role in how long we can live here happily.
To all of my friends here in Japan I extend a heartfelt thank you for being so understanding and helpful towards your gaijin brethren... As for those people who refuse to be welcoming... Please don't recontact (Conclusion Shikokes)
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