"Thar she blows!!!!": Being XXL in an XS world

             Firstly I would like to begin this post by clearing up a few rumors that have been circulating about me. It has come to my attention that multiple people are using the words “dashingly handsome” and “pugilistic in size” to describe my physical appearance, While I cannot deny that I possess a façade that speaks of both masculinity and intellect (with just a hint of the exotic) I must take offense to the assertion that I resemble a 1930`s heavyweight boxer. I posses neither the impressive facial hair nor the revealing outfit required under pugilist law as can be seen by the highly detailed cross comparison below.

             

*Note the subtle differences in facial hair, clothing, and casual poses.

             However, this contemplation about my own corporeal self has led me to realize how woefully over-sized I am for the country that I now call home. Standing at 6`1” and tipping the proverbial scales at around 245lbs. I find myself regularly out of place amongst the usually diminutive Japanese. The average height in Japan is 5`5” for men and only 5`0” for women. Likewise the average weight is around 140lbs for men and just 110lbs for women. I stick out in this country like a sore thumb pumpkin in a bag of M&M`s.

Here I am (looking oh-so-debonair) with one of my graduating students and a fellow English teacher... bonus points if you can tell which is which. 

              Be it on a train, in a grocery store, or really anywhere I happen to “be” I find myself gawked at, stared at, and on occasion even discreetly photographed like some sort of vacationing Sasquatch. The looks alone would only be moderately embarrassing but they are often compounded by verbal exclamations regarding size. Another issue (that I will surely mention is posts to come) is the tendency for many Japanese to assume that foreigners speak absolutely zero Japanese and are therefore unable to understand anything said about them. While I would certainly label my Japanese language skill in the mid-to-low beginner range I am able to understand most basic expressions and vocabulary. On more than one occasion I have been quickly sized up by one of the more judgmental and less polite Japanese and had my existence explained using one of these handy words or phrases:

l         “Ō”   (Large)

l         “Ōkī desu ne”   (Big isn’t he?)

l         “Dekai!!!”  (Gigantic!!!)

In addition to the occasional size based exclamations I have had my stomach patted by old and young alike (must be a Buddha thing) usually accompanied by smiles and assertions that I am “Very Healthy”. In fact I have become so renowned for my size that in addition to near constant gifts of food from fellow teachers, I was also unanimously picked to fill the role of Santa Clause for visits to my town`s kindergartens, a job I am already looking forward to doing again next year.

Because I live in a small town I had a few kids recognize me. They asked me why they had seen me before and I told them that Santa had a part time job teaching English in Kaiyo... It blew their minds. I still have kids spot me from time to time whereupon they start waving and yelling "Santa-san!!!".

It is important to note however that I have yet to have anyone refer to my size in a negative or derogatory way, Japanese perceptions don’t work the same way they do in the states. For a country that seems so incredibly obsessed with fashion and looks there is very little judgment regarding other’s physical appearance, a trait I rather admire.

Day to day life however, can prove to be considerably more difficult when faced with things like architecture, clothing, furniture and other features that were clearly not made with foreign body types in mind. One concept that many foreigners (looking at you mom and dad) have trouble getting used to is the near constant need to remove ones shoes upon entering a building along with the occasional need to don slippers when going between rooms within that building. Allow me to walk you through a day in my life at Kaifu High School shoe wise:

8:10am- Arrive at school and change out of tennis shoes into Crocs.

10:30am- Remove Crocs and put on incredibly uncomfortable wooden bathroom shoes to use restroom. Re-apply Crocs before exiting bathroom.

12:30pm- Following lunch put on tennis shoes to walk to the sports field to help with PE class.

1:40pm- Return to school and change back into Crocs.

3:15pm- Change into cleaning slippers for school cleaning time. (Cleaning slippers are roughly the size of the shoes I wore when I was 10…only these don’t light up)

3:30pm- Change back into Crocs for short homeroom

4:05pm- Change into tennis shoes and go home.

4:10pm- Remove tennis shoes and enter home.

In an average day at school I change my shoes between 7 and 10 times depending on bathroom breaks or if I enter one of the many rooms (including the gym) where shoes are not allowed at all. Also, for comparisons sake, these are a one of the largest indoor slippers my school has next to one of my Crocs.

Asked for shoes in my size at a Japanese shoe store once... Employee looked right at me and just laughed...

Needless to say my ability to purchase clothes in Japan is nonexistent with the exception of a handful of big and tall stores scattered about our prefecture. Even then I find myself only able to purchase sweatpants, socks and an incredibly comfortable (and rather dashing) fur lined leather jacket (which is a Japanese 3XL btw…)

Try to just look at the jacket and ignore the huge bird of prey and/or my gleeful expression.

Despite the occasional minor inconvenience my size has yet to cause any major issues during my time in Japan. In fact, the inconveniences are far outweighed by the positive experiences I have had due to my size. Smaller children in Japan are seemingly enthralled by the chance to meet someone of my height and girth that is not a sumo wrestler. On one occasion I was in my town`s grocery store when I felt a tug on the back of my shirt, I looked back to see a small (maybe 5 or 6 year old) Japanese boy staring up at me wide-eyed. He shouted "sue-gehh!!!" (Awesome!!!) before running away smiling and yelling "Dekai Dekai". I chuckled to myself and went back to shopping only to find myself interrupted moments later by his embarrassed mother apologizing profusely and bowing up a storm. I assured her it was OK and even asked the kid (his name was Sosuke) if he wanted to take a picture with me, as offer he readily accepted. So thanks to my size there is (somewhere in Japan) a picture of me standing in a grocery store with a small Japanese boy perched on my shoulder laughing maniacally and waving a peace sign...

P.S. I have yet to (and will most likely never) hear the oh-so-overdone "Gojiraaaaaaa" exclamation from any Japanese... As much as I really wish I would.